you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He kissed a someone with a penis
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
