We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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