its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
