You made me cry and you don't even care
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
