just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
