and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
