can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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