im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
There r osticjed everywhere
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
