Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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