Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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