I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
