I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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