forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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