and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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