i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
