sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
