I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
All the doctor said was why
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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