Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
