I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You're like the curious george of whores
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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