bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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