I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize