it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
