what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
