he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
