I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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