You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
