it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Randomize
