In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
