jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
