your parents love me but you hate me
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
