I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
