Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just pee around me
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
