i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I got inside last night via doggy door
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
