I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
