I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Everclear isn't food dammit
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
