Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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