She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
