After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
