Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
