dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
