Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
