Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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