Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
you will always have a special place in my vag
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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