the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
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I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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