She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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