If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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