he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
