my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
