Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
