I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Vodka?
Forever.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
