Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
