Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
