I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
