You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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