I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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