It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
