You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
