we have pet lesbian snakes
and you said cock pushups were impossible
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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