Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
