I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
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