We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
