the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
