ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
