The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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