My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
