no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
