My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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