dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
