He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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