actually, I'm a sock model
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
