The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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