If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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