drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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