apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
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