I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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