you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
