I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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