Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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