when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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