I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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