I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
So much rum. So many feels.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
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